#cheokletquoted #6 Just because I don't speak up, doesn't mean I agree

Just because I don't speak up, doesn't mean I agree.

I just allow you to say what's on your mind &

have wisdom enough to not say what's on mine.

Silence can often be misunderstood for consent.

Especially when dealing with people who always have so. much. to. say.

And you think you lost because you remained silent?

Let me clarify.

Silence - is self-discipline.

Silence - is self-control.

Silence - is wisdom. sometimes.

Speaking up takes courage.

But keeping silent despite wanting to speak up, takes strength.

And knowing to speak up at the right time takes wisdom.

Speak.

But think first before you do.

#cheokletquoted #5 What you have doesn't make you who you are.

 

What you have doesn't make you who you are. 

And what you don't doesn't make you any less.

I can't be sure of others, but for me, I sometimes ask myself if I was lacking because I don't own a branded bag, I don't make a lot of money, I don't hold a big position at work and so - many I don'ts.

But then.

I came to discover that people who have all that are regular people too. 

Like me. 

We all eat. 

We shit. 

We cry. 

We hurt.

We puke.

We. Are. Human.

There is no-end to comparisons and when we die, we take nothing with us. 

The question is, as a person, stripped of your possessions including your job, your status, your reputation, your social circle - WHO ARE YOU? 

That's what we should always be asking ourselves, isn't it? Because that will the the real "you".

So.

Stay true & love yourself, then, love some more.

#cheokletquoted #4 It's ok if someone says shit about you

 It's ok if someone says shit about you. 

Because they don't know shit about you...

The truth is - even if they KNOW you, and STILL say shit about you - it's ok. 

Then you will know not to keep this person near you, without having to pay a bigger price to find out.

Shit-stirring is a popular mind game among the many mind games, 

and it works because people get affected when they are being talked about.

A reaction to an action always drives further actions and reactions.

And it never ends.

 The solution?

Don't react.

 Be responsible only for yourself and to yourself. 

Do not feel responsible for what someone else says because they are unimportant. 

#cheokletquoted #3 Beauty is not a person. Beauty is a spirit.

 

Beauty is not a person; beauty is a spirit. 

True beauty is in your spirit. Your thoughts. Your heart. Your intentions.

Appearance matters; but it doesn't last.
It is a beautiful spirit that does.

I ain't saying that appearance doesn't matter because it does.
It's a fact.
 (You are judged based on ur appearance within the first say, 30 seconds of meeting someone?)

But appearance doesn't last.
It changes.
It is unreliable.

And when it does;
It's your thoughts, your heart and your intentions that will lift you up.
 
They will build strength in your spirit to and make you shine in any and every situation.

So, start guarding your thoughts, your heart and your intentions;
Because your appearance will soon follow suit.
 

 

#cheokletquoted #2 No choice is also a choice.

 

One of the greatest thing about being human is we have freewill. We decide to love, laugh, cry, hurt or hate. Circumstances may be bleak but u can choose to make the most out of it.

The phrase "Oh well.. There's no choice.." is not something uncommon. 

I sometimes catch myself saying that and start feeling lousy about a situation.

The thing is, the more you think "there's just no choice" the more you feel compelled to believe that there is no hope in whatever crisis you are facing and have to suck it up and accept the thrash thrown at you whether you like it or not.

That itself leaves you feeling defeated, lousy, helpless - whatever negative cognition you may come up with.

Yet, there is a twist to this entire cycle. 

What if you stopped thinking "there's no choice" and instead think the opposite that "there's a choice"?

The situation may remain, but the action you take when you decide to see the opposite will change from an act of defeat to an act of victory.

So whenever you think "there's no choice", think again. You may actually have one.  Or more than one.

#cheokletquoted #1 Sometimes the only person stopping you, is you.

 

So go on, crawl, walk, run, jump, leap... you are one step closer to your dream the moment you start.

Sometimes we desire to do something and get trapped thinking what and how we should get started to do it. 

Can I do it? Should I do it? How should I do it?

The more we think, the more we just ... think... and all we do is think.

We stop ourselves from doing what we desire to do without even knowing it.

All we need is to just start by taking that first step. Whether we crawl or walk or run or jump - that first step will lead us to the next step which will lead us to the following step.

So get going and you will soon get there.

I will be negative no more

Time really pasts by like *blink*

It's the last week before my next school term.

I have been busy since the last school term ended on 19 Nov. First Hweeli came over, then Rose and family came over. I am really glad they came. Because of them, I felt some sense of "familiarity" and warmth.

For the 2 weeks or so (before they came) I was feeling sort of melancholy.

Yes, I was the one who chose to stay back to study. But the excitement of "adapting" and "learning" has evolved into some sort of "unfamiliarity" and "fear". I guess it is normal to start missing your comfort zone and family after the initial adrenaline.

On the contrary to what some people may think (by "people" I mean to say my family, friends and all those who are involved in my life and who knew I made this decision to stay back) that I stayed on because I was having too much fun to return.

It is not true.

I am NOW already counting down to my return to Singapore on 24 Feb. I miss home so very much.

But, I made this decision to stay because I know, if I went back not fully doing my best and making the best effort to learn whatever I can, I will surely come to regret it.

At that 3-month mark, there were just too many distractions. First to adapt to the new environment, then to make more friends, then to go experience & "play", tour re-discover myself, draw closer to God and to top it off - to study. That's a bit of a mouthful. More than I can swallow isn't it?

Along with all those "try-tos" you somehow face disappointments, when the outcomes are somewhat different from what you expect.

I haven't really talked much about some private thoughts that's been bugging me, but they will all be in this entry.

Times when people don't take me seriously (possibly because I am foreign and adapting to a new environment). Times when I get "flown a kite" or requested to attend something only at last minute.

That's when I feel I am not being taken seriously and this has not happened for a long time. Not for a person like me. Someone who shoots my mouth off, giving anyone who does that to me a wholesome piece of my mind!

Times when I study so. darn. hard. and the results still sucks! And some other negative experiences, that I have chosen to forget. (Just because I don't write about it doesn't mean there are none)

Times when I am just so cold. I wish I could teleport to Singapore. It is really getting to me. I cannot express how much I am starting to hate the cold and gloomy weather. Just puts me back into a hibernating mode every time I wake up.

And there are times, I "lack attention" the feeling that nobody cares.

Of course I know my family and friends love me and are just 1 phone call away. But. There are just times like that.

You wish you could spend time with people you know and you love and not be alone.

I do enjoy being alone. But the feeling is somewhat different when you live alone abroad. And it doesn't help when my mood is gloomy and the weather gets gloomy. And I don't know which one comes first?

So now, after recognizing all that, I have learn to focus! (Am I a die-hard FOCUS Adventure fan or what?!)

Focus on the positive. Focus on the hope of God. Focus on keeping the faith.

GO AWAY all distractions and negativity!

I am going to overcome these!

I decided that nobody makes me feel "negative" apart from myself.

I have decided to convert all the negativity I have accumulated into positivity. Logically, if you had the ability to think one way, you have the ability to think the other. It's not "can" vs "cannot" but "want" vs "don't want".
 
Imagine the kind of emotional damage those negative emotions can cause?

Then imagine how my world of thinking would change if those negative emotions were converted to positive ones? Whatever you think (negatively), think the opposite.... that's a WORLD OF DIFFERENCE!

The joy of God has somewhat lifted me up even though I "feel" down.

From the time I was back in Singapore - up to now - nothing is too hard for my Abba. He is with me everywhere. Though the flesh is weak and we often "feel" sad and negative, "feelings" ain't reliable. They change too often.

The only constant is Him. And He has shown me His presence in so many ways. How could I ever think I was not cared for?

He always sends "angels" to drop me a  msg just to remind me that I am loved. A phone call from a random acquaintance to ask me how I am doing whenever I feel down.

He blesses me with a great Taiwanese friends whom I can complain to or whenever I have a problem.

He always never fails to fix things.

He makes a stranger an angel.

He sends me the right information. Places the right people in my way. Plans for my friends to be here at the right time, just when I need it most. Talk about the meeting the right people at the right place, and the right time? He does all that!

Even now, that I am down with flu, my housemate (sister) just makes me a steamed-pear remedy to help me feel better.

He blessed me so much, how can I ever feel negative?! I don't have time for that.

From now - NO MORE negativity.

I will only focus on studying and experiencing, and God handles the rest.

Don't depend on others to be happy

Once upon a time, long time ago... i was in a situation where i get extremely happy when someone pays me a compliment and to that same degree, i get extremely sad when someone judges me and tells me something less postitive about myself.

This is called being insecure.

I was dependent on what others thought of me.

Because of that, i wanted the approval and recognition of others. I relied on what people say to give me "happiness" and in so doing i lived my life thinking how people will look at me, say about me etc...

I became really exhausted trying to live my life as though i had to please everyone.

That was not living at all, cause all i had in me is merely one goal - to please.

The light bulb came on for me one day 2,000 years agao, that i AM actually playing the lead characterof my OWN life.

So i should be LEADING my life, MY way.

Who cares what people say or think?

Are they that significant or important in your life?

Usually, people who only have bad things to say are somehow unimportant people who usually talk bad about everything under the sun and 2 days later, they would have forgotten all about you and moved on talking about someone else.

These are what you call worthless opinions.

You cannot control what someone says, but you can control how you think.

You do have a choice.

1. To choose to brood over it and be upset; OR
2. To choose ignore the negatives and to believe in yourself; OR
3. To choose to assess that opinion/action, take whatever valid in it and change for the better

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but the reality is, no one is subject to everyone's opinion.

Being hurt, upset, angry, disasppointed is all but a choice... Your emotions are not "enforced" on you. They are all part of you and can be managed and controlled by you.

Once upon a time, someone told me something so profound that i still remember it till today...

He said
"You sometimes react as if you have no control over your emotions and let what you can control, control you."

This really changed my mindset about my bad temper.

I hate it when i have no control over myself when i obviously knew i had.

Why did i have to let something control me when i have the power to control it in the first place?

So whenever you feel angry at someone for making you upset...

Think first.

Was it he/she who made you upset? Or is it just you choosing to get upset?

At the end of the day - you are uniquely you and nobody else can be EXACTLY like you.

You are the only barrier to being happy... because there is always a choice.

Whenever you are in a situation where "so-and-so did this/did not do this, so i am upset!" just remember that you have a choice. If so-and-so wants to and chooses to do what he/she does... let them be. You can choose not to be affected by them cause you are the lead performer on your own stage called "life".

Insecure women tend to fall prey to men who sweet-talk because they "feed" on those "sweet-talk" and like hearing them. Once they stop receiving those "sweet talk", they do all they can to "earn" it and usually, it has diastrous endings!

(Next time you hear someone "sweet-talking" you; Think. Did you take it seriously? Were you overjoyed with it? If you are, then could it be that you are tipping over soon?)

On the same note, "sweet-talkers" are you doing it to gain approval as well. Because one only starts "sweet-talking" when they want to please another... It displays nothing but insecurity and insincerity...

So, don't depend on others to be happy. Just be happy. Truly.

You are what you think you are

It has always been my interest to write about things i observe around me... and yet, beacuse all my thoughts are random yet organised; extreme yet connected... i can't decide how and where to pen these thoughts. Usually, ,they end up in my secret diary. But i will pen a bit of these private thoughts here. Just beacause.

First thing on my mind goes out to the women. Nope, i am not a feminist.

Why women?

Because i have met so many women out there who deserves more than their current situation. Problem is: They dont know.

I hope i would be able to help them in my own way - to help them stop "sabo-ing" themselves.

Women who think less about themselves don't even know they are doing that.

How do you tell? Simply look at your own life so far and rate it on a scale of 1 to 10.  I call this the happy index.

If you are truly happy at the score you have given your current life status, then you are fine. But if you are not, then there is something you need to change to increase your "happy index"....

WOMAN - be a woman, don't try to be a man.

If the guys wish to open the doors for you, let them.
If they wish to pay for dinner, let them.
If they wish to send you home, let them.
Even if you can do the above-mentioned on your own, just let them.

Of course, i am not suggesting you to take advantage of the men and "earn a free meal" all the time... no no no. But somehow, i believe these small gestures are their way to show that they value us women

By allowing them to do that, we actually "permit" them to feel like a man. Men sometimes need that ego boost. :)

In actual truth, women are created to support and be the help-meet to men and they in return are created to protect, care and cherish women...

On the other hand, if you are a money-grabbing, single-minded woman who is just out to get free meals and rides, you will ultimately find out that man are not stupid and can tell the difference.

When you have been "getting too much free meals" you will soon stop getting invited. You probably have either consciouly or sub-consciously been taking advantage of the situations and people have began to realise it.

Regardless of what/how you think about yourself, you ARE actually what you think you are.

The logic is simple.

When you think about yourself in a certain way, you expect to be treated in a certain way.
When you expect to be treated in a certain way, you start behaving just like the way you expect you will be treated even before you are being treated that way.
Simple?

So here is the story: 

An old man who sells hotdogs by the road has been faithfully doing his job for the past 20 years. 

He buys the same number of hotdogs and sells the same number day-in-day-out. 

One day, his son said to him that the nation is "expecting" a crisis and that he should start to expect less people buying hotdogs... 

He thought about it and believed that business will drop. 

So, he ordered less and naturally, he sold less... 

Think again...

Did he sell less hotdogs because of the circumstances? 

Or did he sell less hotdogs because he created circumstances? 

You are what you think you are.

If you think little of yourself, you will manifest to be "little"...

On the contrary, if you think much of yourself, you will manifest to be "much"...

What is Identity?

Previously, I read this boook called "The Unique Woman" by Edwin Louis Cole & Nancy Corbert Cole.

That was about 6-7 years back? At that point, i was swinging single and WAS a feminist!

I had just broken up with someone i thought was the love of my life and so, all i thought about was how to get over it and in order to do that, i needed to "prove" that i can live better without "men". To do that, i had to out-do them, which means - do a BETTER job than them in everything i can think of so that i would have no need for them - to get better results in school, to work towards being in a better position than them at work, to be self-efficient and sufficient and even to ride a bike (although i have always liked riding a bike, i haven't taken solid actions until then as i thought riding a bike was just not a girl's thing) ... perhaps i was nursing a grudge against that ex-boyfriend and was seeking a way to drop him out of my head altogether and so, sub-consciously, everything i did then, i did to "prove" a point - that i was better, stronger and i don't need anyone...

Then i found this book and thought it was interesting cos the title "The Unique Woman" was catchy... It sounded like a feminist book that i should read - and after reading it, my entire perspective of being a "feminist" changed. I remember how it elaborated that man and woman are made for different purposes and how a woman is strong when she is tender, nurturing and feminine... how she is unique BECAUSE she is a woman. The revelation came - that the term being "strong" for a woman is NOT equivalent to doing / out-doing the same things men can do... Instead, it means doing things that men cannot and are not made to do - like to be gentle and feminine without being pushed-over; to submit, love and be supportive without tolarating abuse - This was what changed my entire perspective and ultimately my life...

Because of the impact it has brought to my life, i am re-reading it over again now... and as i flip the pages... i start to think, a level deeper than i usually think...

Today, as i roam the streets of Seoul alone...i question what is my purpose in coming here? Of course, like everyone who knows me know - i am here because i want to experience going and living abroad on my own and since i have taken a special interest in Korean language, it's a perfect match to come here, study and experience at the same time (though the time span is short, it is all i can afford to do now - having commitments i cannot bear to put aside for too long)

This answer may satisfy many inquisitive ones, but it remains unsatisfactory to me because if i truly am satisfied with my own answer, i would not be asking the same question - "why am i here for?"

Repeatly.

And today, it dawned upon me that perhaps i have been too busy working, busy keeping the house tidy, being the wife i think i should be, the daughter i think i should be, the friend i think i should be, the ideal employee i think i should be... and of course busy worrying about what tomorrow would bring, instead of trusting Abba.

Somehow i have forgotten who i am, other than who i think i should be and the roles i am obliged to fulfil.

In doing them, i have forgotten my purpose. Forgotten why i live my life the way i do.

Sub-consciously, i realised i came here to re-discover and identify who i really am and moving forward from there, what do i really want to do with my life?

One can never quite figure out oneself when constantly in the company of loved ones and a routined lifestyle.

One is bound to be influenced and shaped to believe that they are that somebody they think they are because of the environment and the "noises" that encircles their lifes and influence their thoughts.

More often than not, it causes one to identify oneself in that a certain manner only because they are in that certain circumstance, without that circumstance, who are they?

(E.G. Oh, I am Melissa, the one who does teambuilding programs? I am Melissa, Chanpeng's wife... I am Melissa, Johnny's daughter... etc...)

Does your identity stem from the things you possess, how people see you?

OR do you possess things and the views of others because of your identity?

If your identity is based on the former, then how dependable is that?

Because the things you possess and the opinions of others are likely to be temporal, inconsistent and subject to changes. When they change, so does your identity.

On the flip side, based on the latter, no matter how things change, and what others think, your identity will never change.

How do i possess that identity? Only 1 answer satisfies me- that is to identify yourself in Abba. He will never change, so is his love for me.

Apart from my husband, my family, my work, my friends and all the related obligations; apart from the kindof clothes i wear, the make-up i put on everyday... who really am i?

I am first, His beloved. And now, i just want to bask in this love and all instored for me and be sensitive to Him alone...