Remembering our first un-borned...

On this day last year, I went into labour without knowing it. After a terrifying harder than I imagined it to be labour, I delivered my darling, precious little one- Hannah.

In what feels like less than a blink of an eye, 12 months went by and today, she turns one.

While I stay up reflecting on the number of events that has came amd went by in the past year- on how grateful I am for having a child to embrace, how blessed I am, and how God has been so good, I cant help but be jolted back to 2010 when I was first pregnant with our first child, but whom I sadly miscarried. (I will refer to this child as a "he" because i felt he would have been a little boy.)

I think of him, yet, because of the joyous and happy celebrations, I chose to push thoughts of him out of my mind.

Thoughts like how he would have turned 6 this year, thoughts of how Hannah would have been  a younger sibling, thoughts of how his interaction with hannah would have been, and our lives would have been different if we had him in it.

The fact is, many people don't talk about these babies they have lost. Some find it embarassing, some find it awkward, some find it too sad, some find it too painful and some find it "no big deal".

But let me just say this loud and clear, a child - once concieved - is a child. They are both alive and a life. Their soul exist just as their beating hearts.

So, whether you've lost a child at 4 weeks, 10 weeks, 20 weeks pregnant; or have lost them after delivering them premature or stillborn, a baby is a baby and that is YOUR baby. You have the right to grief.

It IS A BIG DEAL.

Perhaps the pain of losing a baby varies between different people and the extent they have grown, but they are babies, nevertheless. Babies you have lost.

So don't be embarrassed, and don't restraint your feelings. 

You absolutely have the right to cry, to remember them, to talk about them, to grief from time to time, and then to move on.

Even though their little hearts have failed, their souls are still alive, in heaven

And so, as my effort to remember him in my own small way, I labelled Hannah as "OUR RAINBOW BABY". A baby that comes after the loss of the one before.

Hence, everything about her first birthday is rainbow-themed- in remembrance of the little angel who is growing up well in heaven.

And this is how we celebrated our Rainbow Baby and our first un-borned.